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Tonight as we sat at our first JV Volleyball scrimmage for our oldest daughter, I felt an overwhelming urge to go onto the court and love on her.
She was standing waiting for the coach to tell her what to do, as the other players who already had partners volleyed together. She looked helpless and sad.
The feeling I had was physical...it was a palpable anxiety and worry that any mother would get when their child looks lost.
Don’t get me wrong, she knows how to play the game...she is very comfortable on a court and with a volleyball.
It’s the other parts of the situation that make her feel anxiety and worry...the new friends, the uncertainty of the situation, not knowing what is going to happen next, and the social aspect of it.
She has been like this since she was little, however when they are little it is easier to navigate the situation and emotions. When they become a teenager, it is harder to understand, especially when you are not shy yourself.
So, the game finally got started and at some point I realized she was the only player that had not been put in. She looked confused, worried, frustrated and unhappy. I know the unhappy part is not true, because she is elated to be on this team and play for this school. I also know, as her mother, that she was all of these emotions above, and not simply being “ugly” for lack of a better word.
We are sitting there watching and the minutes seemed like eternity that she still had not been put in the game...I could feel the tears well up in my eyes and this crazy emotion of panic set in. I need to do something...I need to hug my baby...I needed to make it better.
The realist in me knows that ALL of these kinks and uncertainties will work out as the summer practices go on..however, at that moment, I just needed to make things right.
Just like that...she was put in the game, the head coach was able to watch, and talk to her...I immediately felt better. He walked over to us and reassured us that she is going to be fine...he knows it is the first week and she is nervous. He seemed to know that my heart needed to hear those words.
I have never felt that feeling before, however as she gets ready to enter High School, I know there will be many more of these days to come. I am trying to learn how to parent an Introverted child. I know how to be married to one, however it took years!
I was never taught to parent an Introvert and do not understand it at all. I am learning patience, guidance, coaching, and supporting in a way I have never had to. Having to sit back and watch her struggle is probably THE hardest thing I have ever had to do as a parent. I am grateful for my husband who is a great voice of wisdom when it comes to our girls and their worries.
Our girls worry about disappointing me...and little do they know, I worry about disappointing them!
I have done lots of praying and asking for advice...for now, I will continue to learn how to love her through it.
They each have beautiful spirits and energy, I only wish they could see that too. <3
XO
Steph